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An Espresso Moment…


Dear Diary,

As I sit in the back area where the ballrooms are of The Bellagio Hotel in sunny Las Vegas sipping a triple espresso & my boys nap I think…. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED I HAVE HIT CRAZY!!!

So much has happened since I last checked in… My boy turned 1! Basically I get to watch myself age…gee, thanks!!! Why the fuck didn’t I get the cliff notes on things that happen with motherhood:

  • You eat everything
  • Your always tired even after sleeping 20 hours
  • As you happy baby grows so do you!!! Wider, Older…
  • Botox is no longer used to look younger rather YOUR AGE & not older!!!
  • That final 15 lbs…. Never leaves you, it’s your new bestie you love to hate… It’s the Kim & Kanye train wreck in your life (you complain about it but do nothing)
  • The “melding” of the pre mom friends & post mom friends is NOT a smooth Brazilian wax transition…. It’s fucking awful. Your old friends have older kids & look at your new, young mom friends as little roaches coming in to steal their chocolate… Your single friends that want to be your new mom friends so they hate on women who are moms just because…
  • Your always tired…
  • You hate moms that are thin, pretty, HAPPY (bitches that clearly vomit after every meal)
  • Your husband… Another child
  • Having it together means taking your diet pills at that right time in the morning to get through the day

& that’s just some of it… WTF????

I’m happy to report Vegas is amazing… Young girls in white camel toe bikinis… drunk, tramping down the strip & instead of the old days saying omg girl where did you come from??? I’m so going to that party… I think… Holy shit that’s my kid I’m 17 years, ILL KILL THEM!!!

But I won’t. In reality I’ll have the fat sucked out of my thighs by then, I’ll be getting a cabana in the back-end of the pool party & drink all day as I spy on them… Just saying…

My one bae has a rash on his balls… I recall days not to long ago when I heard rash & balls I ran… Not grabbed a wipe, lotion & went in…

IM IN DEEP CRUEL WORLD!!!

Some shots of our trip…  SO FAR!

Daddy & me scoping out camel toe

 

Dinner @ Picasso

Back to the pool I go!!! The Twixons are up…

Smooches ,

Izzy

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