A letter to my boys,
Hi guys. It’s me… your over bearing, over protective, not always perfect, EXHAUSTED Mommy…
The days have gotten rougher and you both have brought challenges I was not equipped for. Please know I did the best I could with the energy I had. I gently separated you with school and listened outside the door as you cried well after the other moms & nannies had left… I kept you out of school longer than most to have you near me because I selfishly wanted you all to myself. I let you cry at night to sleep sometimes because I was so tired I became delirious. Listening to you scream for me with every call and whimper went through me as if I were being lashed and with each lash I cried s bit harder. But I knew… WE ALL NEED SLEEP!!!
I need you both to know that I am always there, outside the door… never further than a scream away. We’re having a rough patch right now boys but everything I’m doing I do it for you. I will forever be yours.
I try to love you with all I have but is it too much? Is it too little? How can I know if it’s majorly fucking you up or making you great humans??? All I know is that I was born to be your mom.
Adventures near and far, days long and short I will continue to be exhausted and be the best human I can be for you both. Life will throw us many curve balls I know. Our family dynamic will never be “conventional” but that’s what will always make us great. We’re not like everyone else boys… embrace it! Maybe that’s why I’m a touch more exhausted or a touch more sensitive or even a touch more frustrated but it’s the deal we were dealt and we’re stuck with each other.
In the days ahead I will try my hardest to keep it together… for everyone’s happiness. But never forget… No one will ever love you like your mommy!!!